BANK OF JAPAN 1-5 BRITISH EMBASSY

Fresh from their shambolic reversal of Japanese monetary policy, the Bank of Japan sought to restore their prestige with a footballing victory over the British Embassy. But this annual fixture has become more one-sided over the years as the quality of the Embassy team has improved, and despite an early scare the BoJ's challenge proved as ephemeral as a Japanese economic recovery.

After a bright start from the Embassy, a poor pass from Bystedt (actually Bystedt lost out to the BoJ forward who hoofed the ball in. Ed.) and some inept defending by the no.11, whose name escapes me, gifted the BoJ an undeserved early lead. But the Embassy are made of strong stuff these days and roared back at their hosts, with Bacon streaking through and sending a well-struck shot just too high, and Willis missing with a good heading chance. The goals seemed sure to come, and er... come they did. Equality was restored after some fine attacking play from several players which was finished by Bystedt, cutting back from the goal line and driving home with his less favoured left foot.

And there was more. Masaya Sakihana, in only his second appearance for the Embassy, received reward for his intelligent forward running with his first goal for BEFC, robbing the ball from a BoJ player and then coolly lifting it over the keeper and beyond the outstretched legs of two scrambling defenders. A third was added by Shalabi after some good team pressure, and with the BoJ getting frustrated and starting to lash out off and on the ball, Woolhouse finished a chance made by the red-mist inspired running (and retaliatory fouling?) of Williams. Even more goals might have been added before half-time had Flynn, having his usual impressive game at the back, been able to hit a cow's arse with a banjo from several aerial opportunities.

In the second half it was clear that a deflationary spiral had set in among the BoJ ranks, with defeat an inevitability and the only question being the margin. The Bank of Japan team were proving to be less than pleasant opposition, adding childish verbiage to their repertoire of niggly fouls, and Woolhouse provided them with some stimulus by engaging in a series of duels by handbag with various BoJ defenders. As the game wore on the opposition's two wingers adopted a zero interest policy and stood uninterestedly on the far touchlines, indicative of the lack of serious threat posed to Norbert the Mighty Magyar, debuting assuredly in goal. The Embassy had taken their foot off the pedal and the BoJ escaped the tonking that might have been theirs on another day, although Woolhouse notched his second and the team's fifth after a perfectly cushioned pass from the buttocks of Collier.

This was a much-needed first win of the season and a competent display from the Embassy in the face of only little challenge but great provocation from these utter bankers. Of course a drop down in standard of opposition from the two league games, but you can only beat those you play and all that.

TEAM: Collier, Flynn, Willis, Griffin, Bystedt, Williams, Bacon, Woolhouse, Shalabi, Sakihana, Fogarasi

MAN OF THE MATCH: Masaya Sakihana, for his running and battling.

DICK OF THE DAY: Simon Woolhouse, for his running battles.